And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
