she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
