Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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