she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
