i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
