Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
