He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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