i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
