I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
