My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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