Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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