i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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