my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
