you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
