you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
