you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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