dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize