I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
