im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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