You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
