is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
