It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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