dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
