Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
