Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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