I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
