my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
