I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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