Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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