I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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