I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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