dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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