woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm at about main and main street
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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