I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I still have a little drunk in my system
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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