No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
