I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
