dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
