ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
