Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
