I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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