You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize