Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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