anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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