I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
