i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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