K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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