he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
