What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
