Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
