from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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