I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
