I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
