brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
