i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
