Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
