I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
