Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
