I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
