i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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