According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Randomize
