We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
