when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
