she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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